Introducing the Hyper-Size

MALWART Hyperstores has announced the availability of their new household products in Hyper-sizes. The line, which already included Mega-sizes, consist of a line of laundry detergents, general household cleaners and a special line of personal care products.

"I love the shampoo," said shopper Victoria Lassatter, as the fork-lift carried her newly bought bottle of shampoo to her rented truck. "With the new Hyper-size, I will never have to buy shampoo again in my life!"

Lyndon Carusso, from the Carusso Law firm was handing out business cards in front of the Midtoon Store.

"This Hyper-Size is a lawsuit waiting to happen," said Carusso. "And when it does, I want to be the one to deal with it. It's going to be a Hyper-lawsuit."

Peta representatives were protesting the introduction of the new bottle sizes, quoting from the MIDTOON TIMES, which for the sake of full disclosure is owned by the parent company of the Midtoon Herald, PETA claimed that a lady bought a bottle of shampoo for mildly damaged hair and such bottle broke while on her attic. The shampoo drained from the bottle, flooding the living room area and drowning the lady's one hundred and one dalmatians.

"There's no deadlier death than drowning in Shampoo," Said PETA. "You not only die, but your death is inhumane, because the shampoo was not mild enough to prevent eye irritation."

The Plastic Bottle Production Company of Midtoon, PBPCM, also protested the introduction of the new sized products because the production of such large bottles has been outsourced to San Marino, a small republic near the calf of Italy.

"This is an attack on our economy at a time when we can barely sustain it," said Romulus Kristoff, public relations specialist for PBPCM. "What are we going to do with the tons of toxic chemicals we acquired to manufacture plastic bottles if people stop using our plastics? It is not like we can dump them on the lake anymore!"

Regardless of the opposition arguments, customer were voting with their wallets, and the vote was an overwhelming approval of the products.

"I just took a loan to purchase a bottle of glass cleaner fluid," said Leandro Caro. "I plan to extract the ammonia to manufacture Improvised Explosive Devices. Normally I'd do it with other sources, but a hyper deal such as this cannot be passed by."

This may be Malwart's most explosive event this year.

Study on Free-Fall Weddings Completed

THE MIDTOON HERALD

December 17, 2009

A multi-year study of women who were married while free-falling from airplanes suggested a strong correlation between the ceremony and the habit of wearing a parachute. Robert Tang, second junior assistant to the vice president of management of the Midtoon Institute for the Preservation of Useless Facts (MIPUF) announced the surpsising results in a press conference attended by three citizens and this reporter this morning in front of the City Hall.

"We suspected that there would be a correlation," Tang explained. "But once we finished the first 240 interviews, we knew we had identified a causal pattern. There is no doubt in my mind that women who get married on a free-fall wedding have a tendency of wearing parachutes."

The discovery was lauded by the Mayor of Midtoon, who could not attend the press conference because he was at home, watching his plants grow. "We always knew that Professor Tang would eventually discover something, because he is always snooping around."

When questioned on the practical implications of his research, Dr. Tang explained that "women should definitely consider wearing a parachute if they want to get married while dropping off a plane."

The next project Dr. Tang will engage in is a follow up investigation on the grooms, with the intention of corroborating the theory expressed by some at the laboratories that the correlation is independent of gender.

"It would be very impressive indeed," expressed Dr. Tang, waving a 356-page report on his findings. "It would be very impresive if we could demonstrate that men who marry on free-fall, aso have the tendency to wear parachutes."

MIPUF has received a government grant of 36.2 million dollars to be used for further research.

This reporter is considering that her next wedding will be free-fall...

--Dissasociated Press

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High Profile Investigation in Murder Case

The Midtoon Herald, September 9, 2009

Renowned serial Killer William "Sweet Tongue" Smithson was moved yesterday to The High Security Penitentiary in Centerville, sources close to the Police informed us. Smithson, who was found hiding here in Midtoon by the local police, had to be placed in solitary confinement for his own safety, said our source, because other inmates could desire to cause him harm.

"There is a code among inmates," said Roger Mendez, a retired public safety officer who used to work closely with the penal system. "They are all there for a reason, but they don't see each other as equals. Those who have committed the more heinous crimes are usually seen with disdain at the very least and with hatred in some other cases. The lowest form of crimes you can commit are those involving children, followed closely with violent crimes against innocents."

In this regard, "Sweet Tongue", who is suspected of at least 12 brutal murders around the greater Centerville Metropolitan area, which includes Midtoon, does not really have a chance of surviving among the general population of the penitentiary.

"They would kill him," continued Mendez. "They have to keep him isolated, even from the prison guards, if possible. No one, and I mean no one will try to protect him in there."

As the new prisoner was being transferred, the authorities commenced what promises to be a long and arduous investigation to put together their case. While at this moment the lips of the authorities are sealed, we have been able to gather that apparently some evidence has been uncovered in the hideout. The entire apartment has been cordoned off by the police as they search every inch of the secret basement for potential evidence.

This weekend, what has been dubbed "The March of the Blondes" a group of blondes will protest in front of the Centerville Penitentiary to demand that an archaic law that required the hanging of murderers be applied on this case.

"Omygosh! I am definitely going," said a cheerleader from Midtoon High who is usually known as 'Blondie'. "I am like getting a rope and everything to hang S.T. Smithson."

All public outrage aside, the state attorney said that the death penalty is likely one of the options on the table on this case.

"We don't want to jump to conclusions," she said. "But if our investigations confirm that the man we captured is in fact involved in the crimes that are attributed to him, the state will not
hesitate to seek the death penalty".

The Death Penalty exists in Midtoon since a referendum where the voters approved the measure with 57% of the popular vote.

This reporter is preparing to attend the March of the Blondes.

DISASSOCIATED PRESS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Serial Killer Captured!

The Midtoon Herald, September 3, 2009

In what is already being called the arrest of the decade, two Officers from the Midtoon Police Department have captured known serial rapist/murderer William "Sweet Tongue" Smithson. The officers were responding to a call from a concerned citizen and thought at first that it would be even another false alarm, but something triggered MPD Officer Tina Mollison's investigative instincts and she proceeded to find the hidden trap-door that led to the secret basement that Smithson was using as a hideout.

"We have always trusted Officer Mollison's instincts," said the Chief of Police via telephone. "She comes from a long line of very dedicated law enforcement officers. When we assigned her to the case, we did not have any doubt that she would hold true to her word that she was going to find 'sweet tongue' Smithson."

The Chief declined to comment, however, on Mollison's recent suspension due to charges of police brutality.

According to eye-witness reports, since the press has not been allowed into the hidden basement yet, there was a message written on the wall in what appears to be either blood or pomegranate juice concentrate, that said 'John Tucker must die" an obvious reference to a bad movie of the same name. This message was accompanied with what appeared to be a shopping list of all the future victims of the murderer. All the names belonged to young blond females, which are the victims of choice for this sociopath.

Elvira Presley, a prominent psychoanalyst and writer has described Smithson as a "deeply perturbed individual who must have had some terrible experience or experiences with young blond females in the past."

One thing is certain, and is that tonight, very many young blond females will be able to sleep better. This reporter is one of them.

Copyright 2009, Disassociated Press. All rights reserved.

False alarms alarm the public.

THE MIDTOON HERALD

September 1, 2009

False alarms are on the rise in Midtoon, according to the authorities, and that seems to alarm the public. Several calls to the police have been made from several locations, especially after news of a potential sighting of renowned criminal William "Sweet Tongue" Smithson in the area. William Smithson, probably a fake name, is known for the brutal murders of at least 12 young blonde females in the last 4 years.

"If Smithson is in the area," said MPD Officer Tina Mollison, who fortunately is not blonde. "There's no doubt that we will catch him. No one flirts with the law"

The number of calls have strained the police force and have already affected the business at Sunbucks, a perennial favorite with the MPD.

"We are asking the public to remain calm," announced the Mayor in a written statement. "There is no need to call the police because your kitty was trapped on the tree. You call the Fire Department for that..."

Regardless, phone calls to the Police are on the rise, and so far, 100% have been proven inaccurate, to say the least.

This reporter hopes they catch the killer soon.

Copyright 2009, Disassociated Press

Excerpt from Keeper's Apprentice

The following is the beginning part of the first chapter of Keeper's Apprentice, a novel by Nef Rivers (Full Disclosure: Nef Rivers is the pen name for the Executive Producer of Midtoon) At this point the novel's first draft is finished.

KEEPER'S APPRENTICE

EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER I

(FIRST DRAFT)

A sad sunset colored the sky the day Alasaris, apprentice to the Keeper of the Light, was called to attend a meeting of the Elder’s Council of Nassland for the first time.
“I don’t know why the Elders called me,” she told O’rayne, her younger sister, as they walked fast across the deserted courtyard. “The Light of Life is in no condition to be left unattended.”
“The Keeper said you were summoned,” responded O’rayne, struggling to keep up with Alasaris. “Your duties to the Keeper are sacred, but so is your allegiance to the Council.”
“I know,” said Alasaris. “I know the Keeper would not have asked me to come if it was not important, but what can be more important for the Keeper’s Apprentice than to help the Keeper?”
O’rayne did not answer. In fact, now that Alasaris came to think about it, O’rayne had been very quiet lately. Perhaps she should talk to her to see what was worrying her. Now, Alasaris had other concerns. Things were not as good in Nassland as she would like to think. Several things that Alasaris had always taken for granted were failing. The Light of Life, the small flame that kept the world of Nassland alive, was dying, and no effort of the Keeper, or her, seemed to help. Now the Elders wanted to talk to her. Why could they not leave her perform her duties as Keeper’s Apprentice? At a time like this, she should be in the Tower of the Light, Tending the fire with the Keeper and not attending a meeting with politicians and bureaucrats.
The streets were unusually empty for such a nice evening, but then, there were rumors of things coming out of the Void recently. Maybe no one wanted to be out at this time because of that. She did not know, because she had hardly been outdoors ever since the Light had started to fade and because she had no idea of what could be coming out of the Void.
Their footsteps echoed in the deserted street as they passed from one street to the other until she reached the central plaza where the council met. The Council Hall was a large ornate building made of carved granite. It stood at the center of the city of Nassland, but everyone knew that the true center of the world was four blocks away, in the Tower of the Light.
“Wait,” said O’rayne, using her fingers to arrange Alasaris’ long hair away from her face. “You have to let your hair down, Alasaris. You look terrible.”
Alasaris undid the ribbon that held her hair up and allowed it to fall down past her shoulders while her sister combed it into place. The Council was a very conservative body, and would frown at her appearance. Trust O’rayne to keep an eye on the details.
“Thank you,” she said to her sister. “I really appreciate you coming with me.”
O’rayne did not say anything, but her smile comforted Alasaris.
As the women climbed the steps to the great doors of the Council Hall, Alasaris heard a little voice beyond the corner. It sounded like a soft cry. Alasaris was about to ignore it, but when she extended her hand to the bronze knocker, she heard it again. Now she was sure, it was definitely a child crying.
“We don’t have time to lose,” said O’rayne as the Keeper’s Apprentice retraced her steps and walked to the corner. “The Elders await.”
“I will be there,” responded Alasaris. She was not going to leave a creature to suffer if she could do anything to prevent it.
Around the corner, hunched against the wall, a small child, probably six or seven years old, was sobbing bitterly.
“What is wrong, child?” Alasaris asked. “Why are you crying?”
The boy cleared his face. “I am not crying”, he hurried to say. “Men don’t cry”.
Alasaris tried hard not to smile at the boy’s effort to hide his feelings. The kid was bleeding from his knee.
“Why are you here all alone at this time? What happened to you?”
“I fell from there,” said the child, pointing at the stairs of the Council Hall. “My mother says I should not play on the stairs, and now she’s going to be very upset”.
Alasaris knelt beside the boy. O’rayne looked at her meaningfully. Yes, Alasaris knew that they would be late for the Council meeting, but she was not about to leave the boy face his tragedy alone.
“Your mother is probably very worried that you have not made it back home. I will help you if you promise to go straight home and tell your mother the truth”.
“Are you a Healer?”
“Come”, said Alasaris to the boy, extending him a hand. “Let’s do this inside, where we won’t be interrupted”.
The boy followed her happily. A bored Protector opened the doors when Alasaris knocked. They went in. During regular hours, the doors would be open and access to the Council Hall would be available to everyone, but this was a special meeting, and Protectors would be assigned to keep the building secure.
“Thank you,” said Alasaris to the Protector, who only grunted in return. The poor man probably wanted nothing more than going home to his family, instead of being in the lower level of the Council Hall, guarding a door. If there were a job that Alasaris would never enjoy, it would have to be the job of Protector.
“Let’s go there”, said Alasaris, pointing to an empty office to the left, by the door. During the day, Inquisitors, Adjudicators and Exponents would use the small offices on the lower level to hear the pleas of commoners, but at that time, they all stood empty. Alasaris pulled the old wooden chair and invited the boy to sit. O’rayne remained outside, crossing her arms and tapping her left foot on the floor.
“Now, don’t move”, Alasaris said, both to the boy and to her sister. “This will be done in no time”.
“Will it hurt?” The boy asked.
Alasaris reassured him and then placed her hands softly over the boy’s head. She could feel the greasy hair under her fingers as she started. She could have placed her hands over any body part. Other healers recommended placing the hands near the injury, supposedly to facilitate the healing, but Alasaris had always found it easier to do it as close to the head as possible. The center of a sentient being was on his head, and it was easier to find the person’s web from there.
Alasaris blocked all her senses, except the points of contact with the boy. She concentrated deeply on the tips of her fingers, until they were the only thing she could feel. She closed her eyes. As she had done many times, she found herself floating on empty space. Blackness surrounded her. It was frightening to most web healers to encounter themselves in that place, especially the first few times. For Alasaris, it was bliss. She inhaled the cool darkness and looked around her as thin lines of light took shape around her, strands of a spider web glowing under the morning’s sun. After some time, the strands became thicker and brighter.
Alasaris touched some of the strands with a hand she knew only existed in her mind. Seeing yourself as if you were outside of your own body was another unsettling thing about Web Healing. Alasaris always saw herself in Web space as a very attractive woman, wearing a dress of pure white brightness, and delicate jewels of silver and azure. It was thought that the image you saw of yourself when you entered a Web, represented some of your truest nature. If that was so, Alasaris was happy about the way she looked. The one thing she often wondered about when seeing herself from the outside was a strange character she could see tattooed on her forehead. It certainly looked like an ancient rune, but she could not guess the meaning of it. Oftentimes she had tried to draw it and bring it to the Recorders at the Library of Nasslands to het its interpretation, but she could never remember the character after returning to the physical world.
Bringing her attention back to the Web around her, Alasaris began her search for the injury. Web strands were so and frail, even the thicker ones, that there was always the danger of breaking them if one was not careful. Every strand represented a connection of the body and the soul. Each one represented a body part, but also a corresponding soul part. When she touched a strand, any strand, its meaning revealed itself to her. Reading a Web was like exploring the body from its innermost and most basic level.
The knee was easy to find; the injury was not. It was a tiny rip in the web, nothing serious. It looked like it had already begun to mend itself. She would help it a little. She extended her hand and touched the strand. She willed the strand back into shape until it was as whole and bright as were all the others around it. Alasaris smiled. She was good at doing that. She took pride in the fact that she, who was not officially a Web Healer, was better at it than most.
She let herself go. This was an uneasy part. Sometimes, a Web Healer would come back to the real world not knowing which way was up or down and collapse. That was one reason why Web Healers normally operated in pairs, or had a Nurse travel with them. This case had been easy, and Alasaris did not worry too much about getting hurt. It was still a little disconcerting when she opened her eyes, but she did not lose her balance.
The boy just sat there for a few seconds, rubbing his knee that now sported intact skin where the injury had been.
“That’s it”, said Alasaris. She was still holding to the back of the chair for support. “Remember to go home and tell your mother you are sorry you disobeyed”.
Alasaris smiled as the boy ran out of the room after thanking her effusively, but her smile froze when she saw, standing by the door, not her sister, but the Keeper of the Light herself.
“Keeper!” She bowed. “I didn’t know you were here”.

This is the beginning of the first draft of the book. The totality of it covers 246 pages right now.

I am currently working on revisions, so the final product may be diferent than what you see here. It has been a major undertaking, but it has been very interesting. Let me know if you want to see more and I will see what I can do.