Introducing the Hyper-Size

MALWART Hyperstores has announced the availability of their new household products in Hyper-sizes. The line, which already included Mega-sizes, consist of a line of laundry detergents, general household cleaners and a special line of personal care products.

"I love the shampoo," said shopper Victoria Lassatter, as the fork-lift carried her newly bought bottle of shampoo to her rented truck. "With the new Hyper-size, I will never have to buy shampoo again in my life!"

Lyndon Carusso, from the Carusso Law firm was handing out business cards in front of the Midtoon Store.

"This Hyper-Size is a lawsuit waiting to happen," said Carusso. "And when it does, I want to be the one to deal with it. It's going to be a Hyper-lawsuit."

Peta representatives were protesting the introduction of the new bottle sizes, quoting from the MIDTOON TIMES, which for the sake of full disclosure is owned by the parent company of the Midtoon Herald, PETA claimed that a lady bought a bottle of shampoo for mildly damaged hair and such bottle broke while on her attic. The shampoo drained from the bottle, flooding the living room area and drowning the lady's one hundred and one dalmatians.

"There's no deadlier death than drowning in Shampoo," Said PETA. "You not only die, but your death is inhumane, because the shampoo was not mild enough to prevent eye irritation."

The Plastic Bottle Production Company of Midtoon, PBPCM, also protested the introduction of the new sized products because the production of such large bottles has been outsourced to San Marino, a small republic near the calf of Italy.

"This is an attack on our economy at a time when we can barely sustain it," said Romulus Kristoff, public relations specialist for PBPCM. "What are we going to do with the tons of toxic chemicals we acquired to manufacture plastic bottles if people stop using our plastics? It is not like we can dump them on the lake anymore!"

Regardless of the opposition arguments, customer were voting with their wallets, and the vote was an overwhelming approval of the products.

"I just took a loan to purchase a bottle of glass cleaner fluid," said Leandro Caro. "I plan to extract the ammonia to manufacture Improvised Explosive Devices. Normally I'd do it with other sources, but a hyper deal such as this cannot be passed by."

This may be Malwart's most explosive event this year.