THE MIDTOON HERALD
December 17, 2009
A multi-year study of women who were married while free-falling from airplanes suggested a strong correlation between the ceremony and the habit of wearing a parachute. Robert Tang, second junior assistant to the vice president of management of the Midtoon Institute for the Preservation of Useless Facts (MIPUF) announced the surpsising results in a press conference attended by three citizens and this reporter this morning in front of the City Hall.
"We suspected that there would be a correlation," Tang explained. "But once we finished the first 240 interviews, we knew we had identified a causal pattern. There is no doubt in my mind that women who get married on a free-fall wedding have a tendency of wearing parachutes."
The discovery was lauded by the Mayor of Midtoon, who could not attend the press conference because he was at home, watching his plants grow. "We always knew that Professor Tang would eventually discover something, because he is always snooping around."
When questioned on the practical implications of his research, Dr. Tang explained that "women should definitely consider wearing a parachute if they want to get married while dropping off a plane."
The next project Dr. Tang will engage in is a follow up investigation on the grooms, with the intention of corroborating the theory expressed by some at the laboratories that the correlation is independent of gender.
"It would be very impressive indeed," expressed Dr. Tang, waving a 356-page report on his findings. "It would be very impresive if we could demonstrate that men who marry on free-fall, aso have the tendency to wear parachutes."
MIPUF has received a government grant of 36.2 million dollars to be used for further research.
This reporter is considering that her next wedding will be free-fall...
--Dissasociated Press
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