Serial Killer Captured!

The Midtoon Herald, September 3, 2009

In what is already being called the arrest of the decade, two Officers from the Midtoon Police Department have captured known serial rapist/murderer William "Sweet Tongue" Smithson. The officers were responding to a call from a concerned citizen and thought at first that it would be even another false alarm, but something triggered MPD Officer Tina Mollison's investigative instincts and she proceeded to find the hidden trap-door that led to the secret basement that Smithson was using as a hideout.

"We have always trusted Officer Mollison's instincts," said the Chief of Police via telephone. "She comes from a long line of very dedicated law enforcement officers. When we assigned her to the case, we did not have any doubt that she would hold true to her word that she was going to find 'sweet tongue' Smithson."

The Chief declined to comment, however, on Mollison's recent suspension due to charges of police brutality.

According to eye-witness reports, since the press has not been allowed into the hidden basement yet, there was a message written on the wall in what appears to be either blood or pomegranate juice concentrate, that said 'John Tucker must die" an obvious reference to a bad movie of the same name. This message was accompanied with what appeared to be a shopping list of all the future victims of the murderer. All the names belonged to young blond females, which are the victims of choice for this sociopath.

Elvira Presley, a prominent psychoanalyst and writer has described Smithson as a "deeply perturbed individual who must have had some terrible experience or experiences with young blond females in the past."

One thing is certain, and is that tonight, very many young blond females will be able to sleep better. This reporter is one of them.

Copyright 2009, Disassociated Press. All rights reserved.