New Movie Studio Announced

The Midtoon Herald, April 1, 2009

The city of Midtoon rejoiced today, when Multiversal Pictures announced that the city has been selected as the site of their new movie-making facility. The Company acquired a large lot last year on the west side, near the Mal-Wart Super Center, but it was not until last week that the city council approved their building permits.

John Campos, Legal advisor to the Mayor, declared that "the zoning had to be revised, in order to allow for all the explosions, demolitions, bank robberies and alien invasions that movie-making will entail."

William Shatner visited the site and expressed his approval, but no one was listening, so we don't really know what he said.

Construction on the new site will begin as early as May, according to Multiversal executives.

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All is well for Zell

The Midtoon Herald, March 23, 2009

Riding the wave of free unlimited lifetime warranties that we reported on last week, Computer manufacturer Zell has announced that they made a profit last quarter.

Michael Zell, founder and CEO of Zell Computers, in a public statement worthy of Dr. Seuss, declared that "All is well for Zell," and "Zell sells well."

Roland McDonald, our senior business correspondent and in-house Business analyst, explained the phenomena the following way: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

Asked to clarify, he explained that at times of financial unrest, customers tend to lean towards value propositions. With the addition of their free Unlimited Lifetime Warranties and their low-end offerings, Zell continues to offer perceived value to its customer. This is the reason why Mal-Wart Mega stores, Dupercuts and Dross, for example, continue to do well even on this down economy."

On other news, protesters flooded to the streets yesterday as Viotex announced that most of their Senior executives would be receiving performance bonuses by the millions.

"They cannot pay themselves bonuses with taxpayer money," said a disgruntled citizen. "Viotex has received billions of dollars in bailout money, how do you justify the bonuses?"

Viotex did not have any comments, but rumor has it that they plan to sue the government if their bailout money is taxed at a higher rate.

This reporter wants some bailout money too...

Disassociated Press