What is Normal?

NOTE: This long posting is an excerpt from the instroduction of my unpublished book YOU ARE NOT STUPID, which in addition to text contains a plethora of comics insterpersed throughout. If I ever publish it, you will be the first to know.

I don't understand people

If there is one thing I have learned from my day to day interactions with people is that I don’t understand them. No matter how much I want to make sense of the reasoning behind most of their actions, I always end up baffled and confused. Why do people do the things they do? What are they thinking?


I do not understand people. You should believe me when I say it, because it’s true and because it’s written. It is here, in front of you, in black and white in no uncertain terms. It would not be published on the Internet if it was not true, right? So my main premise is set: I don’t understand people.


With that out of the way, let’s begin to delve into the possible reasons for my lack of understanding. After a careful and detailed study of all the potential implications, causes and considerations of the problem, I developed a series of four potential scenarios that could cause the problem. Please note that I have simplified the complexity and generalized the specific in order to come to a workable number of scenarios. I will now proceed to present them in a list, basically because lists are popular, and then I will examine them one by one. After you see the four scenarios, you will agree to the undeniable fact that they are comprehensive, all encompassing or both.


Possible reasons for me not understanding people

Scenario 1 : I am STUPID; People are NORMAL


Scenario 2: I am a GENIUS; People are NORMAL


Scenario 3: I am NORMAL; People are STUPID


Scenario 4: I am NORMAL; People are GENIUSES

The following Scenarios, although they exist in the realm of possibility, do not satisfy the prime requirement, which is to explain the reason(s) for my lack of understanding of people.

Not Valid Scenario 1: I am a GENIUS; People are GENIUSES


Not Valid Scenario 2: I am NORMAL; People are NORMAL


The reason these scenarios are invalid is that if both of us were geniuses, it could be extrapolated that we would understand each other (unless we are both geniuses on diametrically opposed ways, but that is an entirely new subject, well outside of the scope of our current discussion) and if both of us conformed to the same norm, we should be able to understand each other as well. I will not delve into these scenarios any further.


The following scenario is also a possible solution to the problem but creates additional complications that we will probably try to address later in another article, if I remember to, so we are classifying it on its own category.


Questionable Scenario 1: I am STUPID; People are STUPID.


With the possible scenarios out of the way, we will now delve into the heart of the matter.

What is NORMAL?


Normal is a compound word of the roots “NOR” and “MAL”. We shall analyze each root separately before we really understand the word.

“Nor” is a conjunction that derives from the middle English ‘Nother’ and is used as a function word to introduce the second or last member or the second and each following member of a series of items each of which is negated

‘Mal’ means bad, badly, wrong, diseased or ill.


Your literal definition of normal, by root derivation would them be ‘neither bad’ which implies that there should be another element or elements in addition to bad. The truth is that the missing element is ‘good’ and a true definition of normal would be ‘neither bad nor good’, a definition that most people might find acceptable, but since I don’t understand people, I need to keep digging.


The first dictionary definition I found for the word normal was ‘not abnormal’. Obviously, I love this type of word games dictionaries play on you, so in order to understand it, we will have to dissect ‘abnormal’. We already dissected ‘normal’ so now I only have to dissect the remainder: ‘ab’.

Surprisingly, the prefix ‘ab’ does not refer to the midsection of muscle above your tummy, even though it may make perfect sense, because I cringed when I heard the definition of ‘normal’ and my abs –or I should say ‘ab’ because I only have one, a big round one - stiffens whenever I cringe. ‘Ab’ actually means ‘away, from, from off, down’. So abnormal means ‘away from normal’.

Great.


It didn’t help a thing, because what does “away from neither good nor bad” means? Yeah… That’s what I thought too. Thank you!


Now, back to ‘normal’. If normal means ‘neither good nor bad’ or in my own words ‘a deviation from the average or norm’ it follows that the majority of the people should be normal. For example, in a country where every wedding dress is magenta –no, this place doesn’t exist, regardless of how cool it would be – a bride who chooses to wear a parachute to her wedding would be abnormal.


Well, she would be abnormal here too, unless you want to be married while freefalling from 10,000 feet, in which case you would be normal. If you want to question my judgment, I have an extensive study conducted by an independent firm that determined that out of a representative sample of living women who had been married on free-fall weddings, 100% were wearing a parachute. The Midtoon HErald reported on this study back in 2009. To see the article CLICK HERE.

Now I am digressing. Stop distracting me. I don’t think I told you this before, but I have ADD. No, not ADHD, jut ADD, because as my wife would be happy to tell you, I could use a little more hyperactivity every now and then.


Okay, okay, let’s go back to the premise here. If normal is what most people do, then abnormal has to be what the least people do. Are you with me?


Good.


This, as long as you believe it, should take care of the following scenarios:


Scenario 3: I am NORMAL; People are STUPID


Scenario 4: I am NORMAL; People are GENIUSES


You see? It is impossible that people would be stupid or geniuses, because by definition, people have to be NORMAL.


Allow me to elaborate. Let’s imagine for a second that there is a machine that can give you a measure of a person’s intelligence. I am talking a real, exact and reliable measure, not a quotient obtained from a subjective and biased test, like the one they gave me in the eight grade. Now, if you took that machine and you measured people’s intelligence and your scores averaged, let’s say 50, then 50 would be normal. If you are a 40 year old Caucasian single male from a southern state and your intelligence level, as measured by the same machine was 60, then you could say that you are above average, ‘away from normal’ or abnormal. If you are a genius or not, is not that easy to determine at this point, so we are going to limit our current discussion to you being ‘more intelligent than normal’.


Now, imagine for a second that either due to medical advances, random genetic mutations, the implantation of nanoprocessors or cross-breeding with an alien civilization, human beings of superior intelligence appeared. Okay, this imagery is rich, so you may need more than a second. Imagine it for a minute or two.


As more and more people are born or developed with a higher intelligence level, the average over ten years may rise to 60. At this point, 60 would become normal and you would no longer be considered abnormal. For a while at least, you would feel at home in a world where being smart is cool and people respect you and understand you, even though you keep making obscure references to old TV shows and movies and snorting a bit of soda – I believe you’d call it pop – when you laugh. By now, you are a 50 year old man, generally healthy, except for that one little problem that you keep secret – don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone – and it’s easily controlled with that little pill you take. Oh, well, what the heck. You also have a round belly you have acquired from many hours of having chips and soda pops while playing computer games in your mother’s basement, but this doesn’t have anything to do with the case here, so we’ll just ignore it.


Now, unless you plan on dying at 50 because of your terrible diet, you will still be alive for another decade. Since we all know how the rate of improvement accelerates over time in an exponential way, in ten more years of interbreeding, genetic manipulation, reverse engineering of the human genome and even more advanced nanoprocessors, the average intelligence of the people is 90. Now that 90 is considered normal, where are you? With your low 60, you are a bitter old man trying to relive the days when you were considered intelligent by insulting technology, rejecting change and otherwise making a fool of yourself while spending more time trying to explain to your dog the reason why you are still single instead of building relationships with others. And let me tell you, if you have never tried to explain anything to a deaf dog before, it’s hard.


You should be ashamed of yourself. Your smart nephews and smarter grandnephews would do well to send you to the Geriatric Recycling and Reclamation Center for reuse reduce and recycle. What? There are no Geriatric Recycling & Reclamation Centers, you say? Aw, come on! Don’t you think a civilization that measures 90 in an intelligence test could not come out with smart ways to reuse all the material you have accumulated around your mid section over the years?


Don’t underestimate the power of the upcoming generation, my friend.

This article continues in the best-selling book “YOU ARE NOT STUPID” Stay tuned for future announcements.

NOTE: Since I have never sold a book before, a book that sells one copy will be my best selling book, so don’t question it.