Yezika Scriptor Releases New Book

THE MIDTOON HERALD, MAY 25 2011

Disassociated Press - Yezika Scriptor, the known relationships expert has released a new book for the woman who has everything but the attentions of a young and handsome romantic interest. The book is titled RAISING YOUR OWN HUSBAND: A GUIDE FOR COUGARS and is currently on sale only in the local Midtoon / Centerville metropolitan market. Plans for a wider release have not been announced.

We managed to get a hold of Scriptor in a book signing in Midtoon Mall and she graciously agreed to answer a few question to the Midtoon Herald.

MH: Greetings, Ms. Scriptor. Thank you for taking some time from your busy schedule to talk to us.

YS: Please, call me Yezika. It’s my pleasure. Besides, I'm not really busy. Women actually prefer to purchase my book online.

MH: Yezika, we received news of the release of your new book and wanted to see if you could give us a few bullet points about the contents.

YS: Well, the book is called RAISING YOUR OWN HUSBAND: A GUIDE FOR COUGARS and it’s exactly what the title implies. Not the first part, I mean, raising your own husband is a figure of speech. No one is really going to raise a husband, I hope, because that would be disgusting if you know what I mean, but the second part, you know, right here, a guide for cougars. The book is a guide for cougars.

MH: Can you please define “cougar” for those that are not familiar with the lingo?

YS: Of course. A cougar is generally speaking a woman who pursues younger, sometimes much younger men.

MH: How much younger are we talking about here, 20, 30 years younger?

YS: Well, that depends on the age of the cougar, doesn’t it? I mean, no decent cougar is going to look to a man who is not of legal age, right? So, if the minimum age of the prey, I mean, the boy is 18, subtracting that from the age of the cougar gives you the difference. It’s simple, really once you understand the math.

MH: So your book motivates women to prey on younger men?

YS: No, no, no. There is no need to do that. The woman who purchases my book has already decided that she wants a younger man in her life. All I do is give her some principles that will help her achieve her goals.

MH: Can you share a bit of advice with our readers?

YS: You want me to give you the book for free, don’t you?

MH: Of course not, Ms. Scriptor. We just thought that –

YS: I told you to call me Yezika, can’t you people listen to instructions?

MS: I’m sorry, Yezika, but –

YS: No, don’t come with excuses. All you reporters want is a free ride to fame and fortune, yet you deserve none. You know how much work goes into writing a book like mine? How many excruciating hours of painfully making up, I mean researching stories to illustrate your point of view?

MS: Yes, But –

YS: Don’t interrupt me! By Golly! Do you even know common manners? First you ask for free advice and now you insult me? Get out of here!

MS: Thank you for your time, Yezika.

YS: Ms. Scriptor for you, missy! You’re no friend of mine!

At this point, we had to stop the interview because a pair of police officers heard the commotion from the Sunbucks Café next door and came to investigate.

This reporter swears that she will find an electronic version of the book and load it for free in an illegal file-sharing site. Heck, if there is no electronic version available, This reporter will scan each and every page and post it online. Yezika Scriptor does not deserve a penny for her idiotic book.

THE MIDTOON HERALD, COPYRIGHT

Multiple Midtoon Shirts

The Midtoon Herald, February 18, 2009

How many Midtoon T-Shirts can a man have?

That is the question thousands of Midtoon subscribers are asking themselves these days. Well, maybe not 'thousands' yet, but you all get the idea.

The issue arises from the multiplicity of Midtoon T-Shirts that John Campos seems to have. We saw him wearing a yellow one January 26 and 30. On January 28 we saw him before he changed out of his work clothes, but on February 13, we saw him wearing a Green one with the initials M.T. (For Mid-Toon) in red. This morning, he was seen wearing a khaki T-Shirt with the word 'Midtoon' on it.

"Comic strip characters are supposed to wear the same clothes all the time", said one neighbor who did not want to be named. "It is to make it easy to the readers to recognize them. Mr. Campos is not following the rules".

Another person complained on the same lines and added that "Mabel and the children always wear the same clothes. Who does he think he is to be changing clothes every other day?"

Mr. Campos himself told this reporter via telephone that contrary to your usual comic strip character, he has a "strong body odor, and he cannot be wearing the same shirt forever." He denied accusations that he has been depriving his family of proper clothing while he indulges in purchasing Midtoon T-Shirts.

Mr. Neftali Rivera, Executive Producer of Midtoon, when asked if the continued use of Midtoon T-Shirts by John was an attempt to sell the same products online, scratched his bald head and said "That may be a good idea..."

If Midtoon.com starts selling t-Shirts, this reporter will ask for a commission...

Disassociated Press